Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Your Pastor Needs Your Help!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
A New Commandment...
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Ask ten different people and you’ll probably get ten different answers: someone who goes to church every Sunday; someone who was born into a Christian family; someone who believes
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The growth of the first Church
It was preached at Willow Creek Community church on week 1 of the Sermon Series entitled "Celebration of Hope"
here is the link http://media.willowcreek.org/weekend/celebration-of-hope-2013/
Let me know what you think...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
More of God Less of Me #1
Saturday, January 21, 2012
4 Ways: Re-connect Hurt & Disconnected in Your Church
However, lots of individuals you will encounter will be carrying some sort of relational baggage. They will have a difficult family of origin experience, a business relationship struggle, or a messy divorce, for example. And, with the pain of those tough times in the background, they will have trust issues, and be hesitant to connect deeply with others.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Five things God uses to grow your faith
INTRODUCTION
It’s one thing to know a lot about weightlifting and another thing to actually lift weights. It’s one thing to know a lot about nutrition and another thing to eat healthy. Similarly, it’s one thing to know a lot about the Bible and another thing to actually live out what it teaches. That’s why the Christian life isn’t just about knowledge. It’s when our acts of faith intersect with God’s faithfulness that our faith grows. From Jesus’ parable of the wise and foolish builders, we discover that hearing and learning are not enough. The value is in the application, because, in the end, it’s obedience that makes all the difference.
The premis of these lessons is this - There are five things God uses to grow our faith. How many of the five can you remember?
• Practical Teaching
• Providential Relationships
• Private Disciplines
• Personal Ministry
• Pivotal Circumstances
1. Did you grow up attending a church that emphasized application? If not, what was emphasized in your church? Doctrine? Sacraments? Attendance?
2. Read Matthew 7:24-28. This parable follows the Sermon on the Mount. Why do you think Jesus concluded his sermon with this parable?
3. What is the relationship between “. . . and puts them into practice” in verse 24 and “. . . had its foundation on the rock” in verse 25?
4. Have you ever applied a specific teaching of Scripture that, looking back, prepared you for an unexpected storm?
MOVING FORWARD
“Unapplied truth is like paint. It doesn’t do anybody any good until it is applied.” We can be the most learned of believers, but if our knowledge doesn’t move us toward application, then our faith will wither. The Bible challenges us to respond to God’s truth in many different ways: love your enemies, show forgiveness, and practice generosity. What have been the most difficult truths from the Bible for you to apply?
This week, identify two areas of your life where a bit more application would make a noticeable difference. And then apply.
CHANGING YOUR MIND
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
Matthew 7:24-27
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Building Update - Nov 3
Here's the latest...
Our permit packet is moving through the city and we should receive our first review letter some time next week. This review will indicate any area's, if any, that we need to change, alter, address or answer. The review will cover area's like planning codes, fire safety, occupancy, restrooms, parking etc. This review will give us a good indication of where we are in the process
In addition to our Permit packet we also have been scheduled for our one mandatory community meeting. The Scripps Ranch/ Miramar community board meets on the first Thursday of each month. So, we have been added to the agenda for the Thursday December 1 meeting. Attached is a picture of the letter that was mailed out to all the surrounding businesses.
After we complete the review process and have our one mandatory community meeting all the information will be sent to the city council and presented and discussed at a public meeting. Then our permit will either be approved or denied.
Keep praying church. Every step gets us one step closer to our goal of having a place to call home.
God bless
Monday, October 31, 2011
FamJam and Operation Christmas Child
Here's a quick preview of what we will all experience... Kidz Life is sponsoring an Operation Christmas Child Family Event. We will be traveling to different destinations to see whats happening around the world. It's a great way, as a family, to gain an understanding of what happens to our shoe boxes after they leave our church. Parents and children will have opportunities see how lives are being effected by what they do. It will be an evening of interactive stations, fun games and learning.
Please join us on Nov. 5th at 6PM-7:30PM
For information on our Family Event- email: karrieskiles@yahoo.com 858-335-2948
For information on Operation Christmas Child: http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/index/
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Building update October 6
We'll after 3 weeks and a few unforeseen hurdles we turned in our packet to the city of San diego to obtain a Conditional Use Permit for 9899 Hibert St Suite C,D.
From here, now we wait...
First we wait for each of the city departments to sign off on our permit. Second we wait to schedule a meeting with the businesses and community members around the building where we plan to hold services. Third we wait for the city council to grant us the final approval on our permit.
How long will we have to wait? A perfect scenario would be this; we are able to schedule the meeting with the businesses and community members either the last part of October or the first part of November. And then have our permit sent to the city council sometime in mid December. This would allow us to have the permit and begin construction in late December or early January. Of course this is a best case scenario. But with Gods help I believe it can happen.
Continue to pray church that God will quickly help us to obtain the permission to begin holding services in our own location.
I attached the picture of the receipt that occumpanied our CUP packet. look at how much money this permit cost. And to think we pay all that and still have no gaureentee it will pass.
If God lays it upon your heart we will be attempting to raise money for some of the building upgrades (sound system, Video system, stages, Children's and youth area improvements) if we are unable to raise additional funds, that's ok, we have enough equipment and money to transform the space and begin having services after we obtain the CUP. But, it would be nice to upgrade some of the stuff. Thanks church for always being faithful with your time, talent and money. the quality of a church is never determined by the beauty or awesomeness of the buildings or programs it's always seen in the faithfulness and unity of the people. May God always continue to bless us in that area first.
God bless
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Revival
Week #1 – Revival comes when we stop listening for the knock at the door and start listening for the voice of God and open that door.
Revelations 3:20 (NLT)
20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
Week #2 – Revival comes when we stop focusing on our little strength and start focusing on the open door God has set before us.
Revelations 3:7 (NKJV)
…See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.
Week #3 – Revival comes when we stop focusing on what we don’t have and get passionate about what we do have
Acts 3:6 (NLT)
6 But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”
Week #4 - Revival comes when we get God back in the center of our lives, our church and our families.
2 Samuel 6:12-15 (NLT)
12 Then King David was told, “The LORD has blessed Obed-edom’s household and everything he has because of the Ark of God.” So David went there and brought the Ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the City of David with a great celebration.
As you read those 4 main points again, which one do you feel God is challenging you with in his pursuit to bring revival back into your life or our church?
You can hear these sermons again here http://flcf.org/273868.ihtml
Friday, September 2, 2011
Building Update 2
Here's what we've discovered so far.
1. Our Architect, Peter Trevino, met with one of the city of San Diego planning engineers to learn more about the codes governing the installation of fire sprinklers. Here's what we learned, to prevent us from having to spend tens of thousands of dollars we will need to keep the large room we will use for our sanctuary under 2100 sq feet. attached is a layout of the building we will use for our sanctuary, offices, cafe. You'll notice the large room comes in right under that number at 2094 sq feet.
2. Our permit consultant, Brian Longmore, who is assisting us through the CUP process has assured us that if all goes smoothly we should be able to get the Conditional Use Permit by the end of 2011. That seems like a long time, but as we all know, it will be here quickly.
In closing, I encourage all of you to join me in "The Call" to prayer. start making it a part of your daily routine to find someone to agree together with in prayer. "The Call" is basically this: It's each of us living out Matthew 18:19-20 19 “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” When you feel the call to prayer, ask someone to join you. And let's begin to claim and call down Gods blessings and promises on our church.
God bless church
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Building update 1
Brian gave me a list of forms to fill out, which I will get on quickly. Peter and Brian are meeting with a city building inspector on Tuesday to make sure that fire codes and building locations are all good. Pray that we don't have fire sprinkler issues or nearby tenant conflicts. If all goes forward without any glitches, Brian said we should be able to complete the process in 4 months. That would make it our Christmas present from God.
So you ask, "what can I do?" thanks for asking.
1. I should get the keys tomorrow and we will start moving stuff over next week. If you can help out next week let me know. Many hands make light the work.
2. If you can financially help out that would also be appreciated. Thanks to those who have already stepped up and given above and beyond their normal giving.
3. If you haven't been giving consistently, then this month would be a good time to start making that commitment to honor God and help our church with your tithes and offerings
4. We have started what I am calling "The Call". This is each of us living out Matthew 18:19-20 19 “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” When you feel the call to prayer, ask someone to join you. And let's begin to claim and call down Gods blessings and promises on our church.
5. Lastly, it is no secret that times have been tough over the last few years. If you have been affected and have lost your passion and energy and momentum. Then join me in this prayer:
Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
-- Sir Francis Drake (1540 - 1596)
Come on Now Church, will you join me?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Conditional Use Permit Process
To help us expedite the process of obtaining the CUP as fast as possible we are going to hire a permit company (Permit Solutions) to assist us. This assistance will cost $1,000-1,500
As I stated on Sunday I hope to obtain the CUP before the end of the year so we can begin the process of remodeling the buildings to meet our needs.
Starting next week we will begin the process of moving all of our stuff over to the new facility. We will totally vacate the Stowe Dr location at the end of this month. If you have time next week and would like to help, let me know.
Thanks Family Life for your prayers and patience. I have sensed that God wanted us to find a more permanent location for some time now. I can not say I thought it would be this difficult, but I knew its what God was pushing me to stay focussed on and I know that God is faithful. So with confidence and faith we have journeyed through the ups and downs and now find ourselves one CUP away from that pursuit becoming a reality. PRAISE GOD!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Update on Building
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
building update
Before I left, our broker, Barry Slotten, had me look at a building off Hibert St in Scripps Ranch. It's by the Chuck-E-Cheese and Jeromes Furniture. It is 2 seperate suites divided by one tenant between them. The first one is 3840 sq ft, which would be used for our sancuary and church offices. The second is 2773 sq ft, which would be used for nursary, Kidz Life, Youth and a kitchen. We have started negotiations with the owners - here’s a summary of the points:
· They agreed to a $.69 psf beginning rate plus the $.25 NNN’s (so, $.94 on a gross basis), with 4% annual increases.
· They agreed to the $3.00 psf tenant improvement allowance (total of $19,839 towards TI’s)l
· They agreed to 4 months of rental abatement.
They will give us a 6-month temporary lease, during which we can run any/all of our administration and other office functions, but not our actual church services. During this time, we will apply for and secure a Conditional Use Permit. If we are unsuccessful in obtaining the C.U.P., the lease will terminate and landlord will refund our security deposit.
· Upon obtaining the C.U.P., we will roll into a 5 year lease.
What we haven't agreed upon is who will pay for the C.U.P. process and how much rent we will pay during that 6 month period. We are also getting an estimate of what it will cost above the $20,000 they will give us to get this location ready for our use.
If you would like to drive by the location it is 9899 Hibert St suites C,D, F.
As always, please pray for our church as we continue to move forward.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Church update
We looked at a building in RB that was in a good location but would require a lot of tenant Improvements. When we asked if the owners would be willing to contribute to this expense they declined. As we have learned from all our previous construction estimates, tenant improvements can be expensive. So we have backed away from opportunity.
We looked a building in Sabre Springs but the owner had a bad experience with a previous church and did not want to consider allowing another church.
Barry Slotten, our church broker is continuing to look for a building suitable to meeting our needs.
In our search to find a better school or facility to hold our Sunday services we have one great opportunity that we are pursuing. Pomerado Elementary is a nice location but parking can be an issue when to many activities are happening at the same time. We have submitted an offer to lease, on the weekends, what used to be Maranatha Chapel in PQ. It is located right off the 56 and Black Mountain Rd. We hope to hear back from them this week. This location would allow us to leave stuff set up for some of the time and store all of our equipment on the premises. In addition we would have use of the facilities all day on Sunday.
I would ask all of you to continue praying that Gods will would be done in all that we are trying to do.
Until my next update - God bless
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
You Make The Call
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Call to Anguish
In 1987, David Wilkerson returned to "the crossroads of the world" to establish Times Square Church. Since then, he has faithfully led this congregation, delivering powerful biblical messages that encourage righteous living and complete reliance on God.
following is a synopsis of a message he preached entitled "The Call to Anguish. listen to it, and be ready to be challenged.
If you like you can HEAR the entire message here;
http://www.worldchallenge.org/en/view/sermons?filter0=anguish&filter1=**ALL**&filter2=**ALL**&filter3=**ALL**&filter4=**ALL**&filter5=**ALL**
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Start with Why
Sinek believes that most people or organizations begin with “what” and some even move to “how.” But few really know or communicate the “why” behind their cause.
So, why do we do what we do in the kingdom of heaven? Why do we go to church? Do we know the why?
Of course, you will probably tell me that the why is Jesus Christ. And I would agree with you. He is our hope, our salvation, our reason, our why. We should be empowered by that fact. He should be all that we need to leave our safety and comfort and do the irrational.
We should be ready to pick up our cross daily and follow him. But most of the time it is about us instead of him.
Below is Sinek’s TED talk about his book. Now, I'm not sure I agree with everything he says. But, I do think we spend too much time on the what and not enough on the why. Let me know what you think?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
And the Search for a Building Goes On...
1. We are sent to minister to people. which means we must take into account the cultural mindset and attitude of the people we are trying to reach. As I look around I see that people have gone from a growth oriented, risk taking, money spending, looking to upgrade, latest and greatest lifestyle to one that is much more cautious and reserved. People are looking for safety and security. They value consistency and permanence. I see that the culture is wanting stability more than anything else. Stability in their finances, employment, housing, relationships and lifestyles. i also feel they are looking for stability in the location of their church.
2. Because there is more financial and emotional tension that we are all living with. It is important that we maximize our time together by creating more service options instead of spending our man hours with set up/tear down. We need to spend our time serving, caring for and encouraging one another. Between all the man hours and money spent to set up for church, last Friday's, youth events, Sunday school, children's events, music practices and all the other activities that go on. It's no wonder that we don't have much left over to do the caring we all want and need in our church community.
3. We have the ability and the calling to do church at a much higher level. Not that a building by itself will make this happen. But, I sense the Holy Spirit calling us to more God centered activities and to do those activities with more excellence. A building will provide the means for us to do that.
4. The word I keep hearing in my spirit is CONVERSATIONS. And so I feel compelled by God to move in a direction that creates more opportunities for conversations to occur. I feel like God wants us to have more authentic and relational interactions. I feel like God wants us to spend the time we do have together creating a stronger and more connected community of believers. A building would help us do this more naturally and consistently.
- From my house to the Carroll Centre property it will be 5.98 miles further than it is for me to travel to Pomerado elementary.
- For Chris Anderson it will be 6.82 miles further.
- For those coming North it will be 4.85 miles further.
- For those coming south it will be 6.22 miles shorter.
- For those coming from Ramona it is 6.47 miles further.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Search For A Building
- #1 There was not very much available. He found only 4 for lease. And only a few spots that we could possibly buy. (Here's the difficulty - finding a building big enough that also has the parking necessary to obtain a CUP)
- #2 All of the available properties were priced in the $2.00 - $3.00 per square foot price range with additional NNN costs of $.25- $.50. And all but one of these buildings were not interested in lowering their rates or interested in allowing a church into their building. Of those for sale, the price was either in the millions or the city informed us they would not allow us to obtain a CUP for various reasons -(slope, set backs, location, etc)
- #3 There was one building that had been vacant for five years and the owners seemed to be open to making a deal in the $1.50 per square foot total cost range. The deal included the owner putting in a substantial amount to get the building up to a condition that it could be used.
So in January of 2010 we entered into negotiations to lease this building which had been a former restaurant. That deal fell through in June of 2010 when in the owner changed his mind on his original monthly lease rate and raised it from $1.50 to $2.10
That process was a learning time for me personally. Up until that time we had never looked at or considered obtaining our own building. It showed me how much money it was really going to cost to get a facility into a condition that was suitable for church use and to pass the Conditional Use Permit Process.
From the restaurant deal, one of the contractors mentioned our story to one of our Poway City Councilmen. That Councilman invited us to begin the discussion of getting a Conditional Use Permit to lease space in the South Poway Business Park. The Business Park was enticing because the rates up there were in the $.70 - $1.00 total cost per square foot. So in November 2010 Chris Anderson and I met with Councilman Cunningham at the Hamburger Factory. He seemed willing and sympathetic to our cause. Chris also met with and had a discussion with Councilman Mullin. He to was willing and sympathetic to our cause. This direction seemed even more positive when we found a building and an owner that was willing to hold a space and go with us to obtain the necessary CUP.
That process was clearly denied in a meeting with the Poway Mayor and City Manager in March of 2011. They stated clearly that Poway was happy with it's current church strategy. Which is to only allow churches in a very limited amount of zones. And so it was stated by the mayor that we could either raise the needed funds to purchase or lease within those zones or look elsewhere outside the city of Poway. This meant the South Poway Business Park was no longer an option.
Here's the reality to obtain a facility within the City of Poway
To lease...
- Be willing to pay $12,000 - $20,000 per month in rental cost
- Plus, be willing to pay $100,000 - $250,000 to get a building up to conditions that a large group could use it. (build out restrooms, install A/C, etc)
- Be willing to pay rent for 4-8 months while we wait for the city of Poway to consider whether they will issue us a CUP
To Buy...
- Be willing to pay 3-5 million for the property, permits, plans and building cost
Both of which are bad financial decisions. And so where do we go from here? Before we began this process I had told God I would exhaust every opportunity to stay within the city of Poway. But, if the door was clearly closed I would expand my search to area's outside the city of Poway.
We have arrived at that point!
I'll write more on this process and where we are later. But, Know this church. I am in no way discouraged or beat down by all the seeming road blocks. All things work together for good, the Bible says. I continue to believe God has us in a good place and encourage you to keep on praying and standing on Gods word for his continued blessing upon us.
I would love to hear your comments and or questions.
God bless.
Pastor Robert
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Systems
Here are a few “quotables” from the message and then I’ll give the main points of his teaching:
•“God created and runs the universe through systems.”
•“If you don’t approach problems systematically, you’ll blame people for problems that systems create.”
•“80% of your problems are not people problems; they are systems problems, because systems create behaviors.”
•“The mission statement is hanging on the wall. The systems are happening down the hall.”
•“Part of the hard work of diligent leadership is systems analysis.”
•“If a leader casts a new vision and never addresses old systems, nothing changes.” - "Vision needs systems.”
Some teaching points of Andy’s session:
•Systems are your organization’s approach to getting things done. (In other words, systems answer the question, “How do we get this done?”)
•Systems create behaviors. Andy said, “Talks don’t create behaviors. Cool environments don’t create behaviors. Systems create behaviors.”
•“The systems you inherit, adopt, or create will eventually impact what staff and volunteers do.”
Five components of a system:
•Expectations (rules) – what do we expect our people to do? How do we expect them to act?
•Rewards (or lack of) – how do we intentionally affirm behaviors that are aligned with our expectations?
•Consequences (or lack of) – what happens when people fail to meet the organizational expectations or the expectations of their particular role?
•Communication (content and style) – how do we communicate our expectations, the purpose for those expectations (i.e. our mission and vision), and the rewards/consequences? Who knows what, when, and how and what behaviors are expected as a result of knowing?
•Behaviors (of those in charge) – are the leaders modeling the organizational values? Are their behaviors consistent with the organizational expectations?
Four system imperatives:
•Your system should allow you to involve and hire the best person for the job.
•You system should allow you to get the right people to the table.
•Your system should allow you to make complex decisions within the context of a small group of empowered people.
•Your system should ensure that only one person answers to “They.” (That person should, in most cases, be the top leader.)
I’ve been talking with a lot of pastors/leaders lately about the place and value of systems. And I hope to begin the process of evaluating the systems in our local church. I close with this - Andy’s talk is confirming a lot of good and right principles relative to systems… particularly within the church.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Four False Ideas That Destroy Leaders
#1 – “I Cannot…”
One of the things that seems to be appearing over and over again to me as I read the Scriptures is this thought…
At the end of the day…I am a servant of the Most High God! AND…a servant can do EXACTLY what his master has commanded him to do because he is operating under the power and authority of the One who called, equipped and empowered him to serve in the first place.
You can do EXACTLY what God called you to do!!! Don’t back down!
#2 – “I Am Not As Good As…”
Comparing yourself to other ministers and/or ministries is one of the quickest ways to go insane and completely lose your focus on who God is and what He has called you to do.
We should learn from “them” but focus on “HIM!”
There will always be someone who does something better than you! Your call isn’t to imitate people but to focus on Christ!!!
#3 – “I Failed Before”
Of course you did!!!
All great leaders have failed at something significant!
However, what makes them great is that they do not allow their failures to define them. They pick up the pieces and move forward. They learn lessons from their failure…if there was a sin issue involved they repent and submit to Jesus and the leadership of others…and then they get on with life!!!
Peter failed! Remember when he tried to cut off the servants ear and had to be rebuked by Jesus!!! YET when it came to Acts 2 and the day of Pentecost he was the guy who Jesus anointed to preach the Gospel and see over 3k new believers!
#4 – “All Hope Is Gone”
Uh…the only problem with that thought is THE TOMB IS EMPTY…and as long as that is a reality then there is always hope…ALWAYS!
I know some reading this feel like you are just about at the end of your rope…but from my personal experience I’ve discovered when I do get to the end of my rope Jesus is always there saying, “what took you so long?”
Losing hope can bring about times of intense desperation…but quite often intense desperation leads to undeniable revelation!!! When we lose hope and believe that things are just about over…well…that’s always a time for God to remind us of WHO HE IS and what He is capable of!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tis The Season...
Jim Wallis wrote, in part, the following thought and I thought it was worth re-stating.
The political ads are finally off the air. (We can all give thanks for that!) But now there is a new wave of advertisements hitting all of us. Each one will give us a different reason to consume. Each one will put pressure on us to show our love, compassion, and thankfulness through buying more stuff with money we don't have on things we probably don't need. I've already heard a barrage of commercials on TV and radio telling me that I don't even have to wait for Black Friday to start my spending this year. "Those who care, consume," they say.
That message is clear -- and clearly wrong.
The pervasiveness of our consumer culture has been met with some backlash. "Buy Nothing Day" has grown into movement that competes with the sometimes deadly crowds of "Black Friday." "The Advent Conspiracy" has challenged Christians to take Advent as an opportunity to show the world the compassion of Christ and not be conformed to the consumptive patterns of the world.
The relentless pressure of advertising tells us that "there is never enough," and that you should "worry" constantly about what you eat and drink, what you wear, whether your future is secure, and more. But Jesus says the exact opposite. They say, "Worry all the time!" But Christ says, "Don't worry!"
The pressure we feel doesn't just come from the ads we get in our inboxes or see on television. All of us have family and friends who are going to be doing a lot of shopping. If a friend goes out and spends money on us, we feel guilty if we don't reciprocate at roughly the same level. What's worse is if someone gets us a gift and we don't get them anything at all. The problem is not giving gifts. Giving gifts becomes a problem when the exchange of stuff replaces building relationships.
How should we respond to these pressures during this season? Here are a few thoughts:
First, try and make decisions about gift giving with friends and family. Get everybody on the same page before all the spending happens. You could try sending around this column to get the conversation going. Your values, not commercials, should inform how you show your gratefulness to those you love.
Second, try some alternative gift giving this year. find a charity or a good cause that you can give time or money to. There are many businesses and non-profits that are committed to a mission that makes sure each dollar you give or spend has a positive impact on the world.
And finally, as we think about Thanksgiving and look forward to Christmas, let's take stock of our lives and priorities and make sure they are being driven by our values and relationships and not just our culture of consumption.